The secret to facing fertility treatment as a couple

afrontar un tratamiento de fertilidad en pareja

Undergoing fertility treatment as a couple is not just a medical issue. In our practice, we often see how the emotional impact can be just as decisive as the fertility treatment itself.

In fact, we know that a significant number of couples abandon assisted reproduction due to psychological exhaustion, not because of a lack of medical options.

That is why today we are talking to Dr Alejandra García-Villalba about how to approach fertility treatment as a couple. Learning to communicate, respecting each other’s pace and supporting each other are key tools for achieving a common goal: becoming parents.

Dra alejandra García-Villalba vida fertility

How do couples cope with infertility?

Couples often cope with infertility by strengthening communication, supporting each other and understanding that it is a shared challenge, not an individual problem.

Supporting your partner during assisted reproduction treatment involves, above all, communication and mutual commitment. It is essential to express how each of you feels with empathy and without judgement, understanding that you may both experience the process differently.

It is also essential to take care of your emotional health: set aside time to disconnect from the treatment, establish boundaries with those around you and, if necessary, seek specialised psychological support.

Changes in the relationship after fertility treatment

Infertility not only affects the body, it also has a profound impact on the emotional sphere and intimacy of the couple.

Many couples experience a decrease in sexual desire. This occurs because stress, pressure to get pregnant, and the medicalisation of intimacy transform something spontaneous into something programmed. Sexuality can begin to be experienced as an obligation, and that creates distance.

In addition, feelings of frustration, sadness, anxiety, or guilt may arise. Sometimes, one of you takes responsibility for the diagnosis, which affects self-esteem and can create silences or misunderstandings. It is important to understand that these emotions are normal and do not mean that your relationship is failing.

The key is to strengthen communication. You need spaces where you can talk without reproach, express how you feel, and listen to each other with empathy. Remember that this is a shared project.

How can couples prepare themselves for fertility treatment?

From experience, preparing yourselves means becoming a strong, realistic and connected team, capable of facing any obstacle.

Firstly, it is essential to accept that assisted reproduction treatments are not always immediate. Adjusting expectations from the outset and understanding that it can be a gradual process helps to reduce frustration and anxiety.

It is also important that you experience it as a joint project. Emotional support, adopting healthy habits together, involvement in medical appointments and joint decision-making strengthen the relationship and reduce feelings of loneliness.

At the same time, you need to maintain your own space and time to disconnect. Continuing with your social life, routines and leisure activities will help you avoid focusing all your energy on the treatment.

Taking care of communication and intimacy is another essential pillar. Talk about how you feel, avoid building up tension, and preserve your sex life based on pleasure and connection, not just as a means of reproduction.

Finally, do not hesitate to seek professional emotional counselling if you need it. Having specialised psychological support can make a big difference when it comes to managing uncertainty and emotional exhaustion.

How to lean on your partner during treatment

Communication, empathy and involvement are key to sustaining the relationship in times of uncertainty.

Phrases that help

Use phrases that reinforce your bond and reduce feelings of loneliness or guilt that sometimes arise during treatment:

– ‘We’re in this together.’

– ‘I’m proud of you.’

– ‘Let’s enjoy the moment.’

– ‘We’re still together.’

– ‘Thank you for trusting me.’

Distribution of tasks and emotional burden

Although one of the two may bear the physical burden of treatment, the emotional burden must be shared. In consultation, we see how organising medical appointments together, preparing medication, making decisions together, or managing communication with the family can prevent arguments and resentment.

Sexual intimacy

Sexual life can be affected by stress and ‘scheduled sex’. It is important not to let intimacy become an obligation. Look for moments without pressure, rediscover fantasies and spontaneity, and approach sexuality from the perspective of pleasure and connection, not just reproduction.

Frequently asked questions about undergoing fertility treatment as a couple

Tips for coping with fertility treatment as a couple

Above all, approaching fertility treatment as a joint project and maintaining a team attitude is one of the greatest sources of emotional support during the process.

Communicate assertively, empathising with each other.
Be equally involved in the treatment: attend medical appointments, remember appointments, both follow a healthy lifestyle, etc.
Enjoy romantic getaways or leisure activities as a couple: do little things for each other every day, set aside a day for just the two of you, in short, spend quality time together as a couple.
Understanding, listening and feeling listened to is very important.

At Vida Fertility, we have an Integrative Medicine Unit, where we accompany couples not only from a medical point of view, but also emotionally, nutritionally and immunologically, so that the process is more bearable and personalised at each stage.

Is it normal for infertility to affect a couple’s relationship?

Dr Alejandra García-Villalba replies:

Yes, as it is one of the most emotionally demanding experiences in life. It can cause stress, worry, sadness and changes in your sex life.

To cope with this, it is essential to maintain honest and respectful communication, where both of you can express how you feel without fear of judgement. Remember that your relationship goes beyond the desire to be parents.

In some cases, specialised psychological support can help you manage the pressure and strengthen your bond.

How can couples discuss infertility without constantly arguing?

Dr Alejandra García-Villalba responds:

I recommend setting aside some time each week, without mobile phones or interruptions, just to talk about how you are feeling. Not to make medical decisions, but to share emotions. Questions such as, “How are you coping with all this this week?” can make a big difference.

In addition, if the conversation becomes heated, it is very important to set boundaries: do not use reproaches, do not bring up past mistakes, and allow for breaks if anyone feels overwhelmed.

What should I do if my partner does not want to discuss infertility?

Dr Alejandra García-Villalba replies:

It is important to understand that not everyone processes grief in the same way. Some people need to talk; others manage stress in a more internal way.

In these cases, specialised psychological support can help you manage this communication and strengthen your relationship.

How can couples maintain their sexual desire during fertility treatment?

Dr Alejandra García-Villalba responds:

Medicalisation can turn sexuality into something programmed, and that affects desire. It is essential to reclaim intimacy as a space for connection, not as an obligation.

Seek out moments alone, caresses, plans that strengthen the emotional bond. Intimacy is not just the sexual act; it is complicity, contact, closeness. Maintaining that space protects your relationship.

How can I support my partner after a negative result or a miscarriage?

Dr Alejandra García-Villalba responds:

After a negative result or a loss, the most important thing is to validate the pain without trying to fix it. Phrases such as “I’m here” or “I’m so sorry, we’ll get through this together” are more helpful than any explanation.

Allow yourselves to grieve. Not everyone cries in the same way or at the same pace. Respecting each other’s timing is a profound form of love.

How to set boundaries with family and friends?

Dr Alejandra García-Villalba responds:

It is important to protect your privacy. You can decide together what you want to share and what you don’t. Phrases such as ‘When we have news, we’ll let you know’ or ‘We’d rather not talk about it right now’ are firm and respectful.

Setting boundaries does not mean distancing yourselves, it means taking care of your well-being. Choose one or two people you trust if you need outside support, but do not feel obliged to give constant explanations.