Fertility Doula Support in the Netherlands: A Conversation with Semin Suvarierol Hoen from Birthwish

At Vida Fertility, we often meet patients who have already spent years trying to make sense of their fertility journey. Some arrive after numerous medical appointments, others after failed IVF cycle, miscarriages, unexplained infertility or a growing feeling that they need more time, more clarity and more human support.

Fertility treatment is, of course, a medical process. Good diagnosis, personalised protocols, laboratory quality and scientific rigour matter enormously. But anyone who has lived through infertility knows that the experience goes far beyond test results, medication schedules and embryo transfers. It touches the body, the relationship, daily life, work, identity and the quiet hopes that are not always easy to say out loud.

As Dr Alejandra García-Villalba, gynaecologist and fertility specialist, Medical Director of Vida Fertility Alicante, often reminds our international patients: “A fertility plan should never look only at the ovaries, the uterus or the embryos. It should also look at the person who is living the process.”

This is why e motional and practical support can be so valuable, especially for women and couples living abroad. Being an expat while going through fertility treatment can feel particularly isolating: appointments in another language, a different healthcare system, family far away and decisions that often need to be made quickly.

To explore this more deeply, we spoke with Semin Suvarierol Hoen, Fertility Coach & Doula at Birthwish in the Netherlands.

Can you present yourself and how you became a Fertility Coach & Doula?

I am Semin Suvarierol Hoen, born and raised in Istanbul and living in the Netherlands since 2002, when I came to pursue my PhD studies in Public Administration. Life had other plans for me though, as our fertility journey that took 4 years and resulted with the pregnancy for our son made such a lasting impact on me that I decided to switch careers and to become a fertility coach & doula. I wanted to share the knowledge and experience I personally gained throughout our process and trained to support others as a counselor, coach, and doula during this transformative and special period of getting pregnant, being pregnant, giving birth, and becoming parents.

How does a fertility doula differ from a fertility coach?

A Doula is a non-medical support person who puts your practical, physical, mental, and emotional needs in the center, throughout the process of pregnancy, birth, and post-partum. In my case as a fertility doula, the support begins during the period of getting pregnant. A doula is an informed professional in the field of fertility, pregnancy, birth, and post-partum, who supports you unconditionally as a friend/older sister. In that sense, we combine a professional grounding with an empathic, intimate form of support.

A doula is there to listen to you, to inform you about your choices and ask you the questions that will help you make them. She is there to hold your hand and to give you a soothing massage. The most important aspect of doula support is actually being in tune to the client’s needs at a given point of time. In that sense, doula support is a bit broader and softer and maybe a more flexible kind of support than “classical” coaching.

How do you support women facing fertility issues/fertility treatment?

My approach is person-centered and tailor-made. During our first Fertility Discovery Session, we focus on all the issues that need attention and find out what will help the process. Adopting a holistic point of view means that we tackle all aspects of the fertility challenge – from practical, to social, mental, and emotional. As a coach/counselor, I prefer to start with the “easiest” issues and to go deeper as we move along. In the end, the fertility journey also affects one’s life choices, so inevitably we work not only on issues that are specifically related to the process of getting pregnant, but also on how to shape one’s life in the face of the choices one needs to make in terms of one’s job, relationship, and other life goals.

For clients who choose for Fertility Doula support, next to the sessions we have that combine coaching, fertility massage, and other mind& body techniques (e.g. writing, drawing, visualizing), I offer also contact in between the sessions during the time we work together. This allows us to check-in through the ups and downs of the fertility treatments. More importantly, this breaks the loneliness of the whole process.

What do you think women can do to help themselves during a fertility treatment?

It is key to be gentle to yourself. The ability to get pregnant is such an existential part of being a woman that it inevitably affects your trust in your body and feeling of well-being. Discovering and setting your boundaries, both in terms of how your body reacts and how you mentally and socially deal with the consequences of undergoing fertility treatments, is key. Your resilience in face of the challenges you face along the way gets stronger if you invest in taking care of yourself and your needs.

You’ve been through this path yourself, what was the most difficult? Or what you wish you would have known before?

Since our fertility path lasted for 4 years, the challenges changed along the way. I would say that in the beginning, the most difficult was to receive the diagnosis ‘unexplained fertility’ which meant that there would be no easy ‘fixes’ as there was no clear reason why we not getting pregnant. This led next to an extended period of searching and googling for answers and alternatives myself. It was hard to let go of the urge be constantly busy with trying to get and do everything “right” in the hope of getting a positive pregnancy test month after month. In the end, it was my second (and last) miscarriage that broke me to pieces and allowed me to start anew – maybe because I deeply realized that I had no control over the process.

It is actually difficult to say “If I had known this, it would have all worked fine.” I believe that every fertility journey is very personal. It is an invitation to grow and transform. You only see things clearly afterwards. Looking back now, I would say that I wish I would have paid attention to all aspects of getting pregnant from the beginning – physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual, and this belief in a holistic approach also shapes how I offer support to my clients.

Fertility options but not only

Semin’s words remind us of something we see every day in fertility medicine: patients do not only need answers. They also need to feel accompanied while they are looking for them.

A fertility journey can bring hope, frustration, grief, strength, confusion and transformation. Sometimes all in the same week. Medical care provides the diagnosis and the treatment plan, but emotional support helps patients stay connected to themselves while they move through each step.

At Vida Fertility, we believe that personalised fertility care should include both scientific excellence and genuine human attention. For some patients, that may mean asking for a second medical opinion. For others, it may mean working with a fertility doula, a therapist, a coach or a support network that helps them feel less alone.

There is no single “right” way to go through fertility treatment. But there is a better way than silence, pressure and isolation: feeling informed, supported and respected.

For patients living in the Netherlands who would like emotional, practical and holistic support during their fertility journey, you can learn more about Semin’s work here: Discover Birthwish fertility support.

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